We focus on certain parts of our lives and expect some sort of solid outcome we can point to. Yet those parts and the parts of those parts are always beginning and ending. Coming together and going apart. Arising and ceasing. Change is the only constant. Buddhists call this mark of existence impermanence. It is a spiritual truth, a reality that permeates everything.
But where am I going? Where am I headed?
Relax! Here's the thing.
We start a project that doesn't really come together, and it ends. But we meet someone on that project who makes us laugh. We start a friendship with them. Because we start a friendship with them, we spend more time having fun with them. And our house plant dies. Oops! So we decide to get a cactus. This starts a cactus obsession that leads to creating a cacti emporium off of Highway 5, but not with the friend who makes us laugh because her marriage ended and she moved away and so we decided to do this all on our own which feels amazing and powerful and we ask: "How the hell did I get here?" Beginnings and endings, my friend. And karma. But let's just stick to beginnings and endings.
|Black Lace Cactus, an endangered species|
At the start of every year I get all freaked out that not enough has happened in the year before and that I've got to do more this year. And where am I headed anyway? Is this all adding up to anything really? And on and on and on blah blah blah. I go meditate. Aaaaah. That's better.
Everything that has come before us, all the starts and finishes, beginnings and endings has created a matrix of where we are right now. And where we are right now lays a foundation for where we will be. More beginnings, more endings, all happening right now in the time it takes you to read this sentence.
Some say I've done a 360 with my life, yet where I am today actually makes perfect sense when I look at where I was ten years ago. I can now connect the dots. And ultimately, I am grateful for where I am. So just because I can't connect the dots now to my future is no reason to panic. And when I do panic, I take a moment and tell myself: "Maybe right now everything is perfect. And maybe I am exactly where I need to be." Aaaah. I breathe a little easier and relax in to the present moment. This relaxation and clarity helps me move forward with intention.
So yes: be mindful of the moment you're in now, for it bears the fruit of tomorrow. Go where the energy is, do what gives you joy, take your vitamins, remember to water your plants, dream something big and start the first step and just trust. And try not to despair as things die or end this year. Beginnings and endings in themselves are neither "good" nor "bad". They simply are. And that's life. Whew. I feel better now.